Saturday, March 15, 2008

Oh. (or Lost in Space)

I excused myself from the rest of the house guests here in Austin and rushed upstairs.

"I have to go take my passport photo off of the internet and go to bed."

The conversation had been winding down when Traci finished her description of soft red winter wheat by turning to me and saying, "...that reminds me. You have to take your passport picture off of your my space."

My first thought: "Huh. Usually I’m the one being paranoid..."

My second thought:  "..........................................."

"What’s the matter with it,"asks Kat. "Is his picture that bad?" 

"No," says Traci. "Its that has a picture of his whole passport up there. A scan of his entire passport!"

"Oh," says everyone else in the room.

My second thought finally arrives. "That’s not good, is it?" 

"No," says Guitar Shorty, shaking his head lightly and grinning. "Somebody could have some fun with that."

With that I excused myself and came upstairs. If you spied my passport while it was up on my My Space, I'm sure you were as stunned as I am now to see the precision and detail with which my HP Officejet 7410xi All-In-One Scanner/Printer rendered my document. Amazing.

If ever I thought identity theft was something worth putting on my list of worst case scenarios, it is at this moment as I read all the letters and numbers of my passport from my My Space page, displayed in erotic clarity on the screen of somebody else’s computer. If ever I questioned the integrity of my liberal come-one-come all attitude towards accepting My Space friends, well, that's now, too.

Now I am definitely the one being paranoid. What happens to our Gmail accounts when we move on or die? Did Google really just make search engines for advertising? ARE WE ON LOCKDOWN????

I think being paranoid is the best alternative to asking myself what kid of idiot puts his passport online. Therefore, in these final moments when my internet naivete still lingers in Texan air,  I must go full Rooney.

Does every space we cut out for ourselves in this universe an eventual pit for someone else’s stuff? Are we really this ready to give our world away, or make commerce with it? Some of my friends wondered how Borat got those people to say things in the movie. I thought they were crazy. Look all over this My Space Facebook world. Most of us are all too ready to hand it over. And we don’t even know what it is.

The space.

What to give to the space?

Soothing as these deep thoughts are, I'm still little anxious and, well, paranoid. So since I am fairly certain in this moment that someone who peeked my passport on my My Space page is capable of being an identity thief, (I don't mean you necessarily - but maybe) I feel that its time to start clearing out of the My Space digs and have Tom spray for bugs. This may seem extreme and I don't want to make too much of this, but in the wrong hands, my identity in particular (compared to, say, some other peoples identities) could be, well, lets just say DANGEROUS!

In the meantime, I’m wondering if this blog is better transmitted from my more secure, as-yet-to-my-knowledge unbreached site at www.mooselamp.net 

At mooselamp.net get Vicodin for .12 each.

I want to mooselamp.net and ssee big penitty stuff.


This blog ownedz by Google.


Anonymous said...

Keep writing, Ray. We love reading your work!
-Brandy & Dave
(myspace/Nashville show)

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